Don’t Beat Yourself Up

In life, we all screw up from time to time. We all fall short of the goals we set for ourselves, we all say things we regret sometimes, we all take the easy way out from time to time, and we all give in to temptation at some point. It happens.

Unless you’re psychotic, there is usually some guilt involved when you know you’re wrong and you wish you had done better. Up to a certain point, this guilt is a good thing. Anytime we feel bad about something we have done, it is less likely that we’ll repeat it. Guilt leads to remorse, and remorse can really motivate us to improve.

But sometimes, we take our guilt too far. When I was in school, I knew a girl who was essentially a straight A student. On one mid-term report card, she got 2 As and 4 Bs. This was the mid-term, and the purpose of the report was to show her where she was since there was still time to get those Bs up to As. But when she saw 4 Bs, she lost it. She started crying uncontrollably, and she hid the report card from her parents. That opened up a whole `nother can of worms and her parents had to miss work to come in for a conference with her teachers and guidance counselor.

If we’re not careful, the guilt we feel can be worse than the original offense we’ve committed. When you do something wrong, you should feel bad about it and want to improve, but it’s also important to still love yourself through it. Even if others stop speaking to you for a while and hold you in low esteem, that’s when it’s especially important not to beat yourself up too much because others will handle that for you. Just get back on the right road and stay there. If you are genuinely good to yourself, soon enough, others will follow your lead.

We do a lot of talking about forgiving other people–allow yourself to forgive you.

NOTHING Shall Be Imposible

Luke 1:37 says, “For with God, nothing shall be impossible.”

If you take a look through the Good Book, you will see that there is biblical precedent for a lot of supernatural activity. There’s dream interpretation, people making prophecies about the future, healing by the laying on of hands, humans speaking to angels, animals speaking to people, people being raised from the dead–all these miraculous and improbable things happen in the Bible.

I don’t have a problem with any of this. In fact, I figure that since God is all-powerful, all of these things and more are possible, and most Christians agree with me.

What gets me is the way many believers will accept something like dream interpretation because it’s in the Bible, yet completely reject other divine arts like palm reading or horoscopes because they are not in the Bible.

If there’s any kind of wisdom to be gained, help to be given, or knowledge to be revealed, musn’t God somehow be in the mix? I’m talking specifically about things like astrology, palm reading, astral projection, and numerology.

If I’m being a good Christian, I am always seeking Christ and his righteousness first. But there is so much in the world that we can learn about. For example, to my knowledge, algebra is not in the Bible. Still, I’m glad I learned about it because it helps me interpret my surroundings that much better. I don’t think it’s blasphemous to learn about any of the academic disciplines or the arts.

So why are compassionate, wise astrologers often considered anti-Christian? God made the stars and planets, the astrologers are just observing them. It seems like if dream interpretation and healing by touch are OK, and if the wise men followed a star to find Jesus, then astrology is probably all right as well. And that would open the door to a lot of other spiritual disciplines, some of which are not mentioned specifically in the Bible.

I realize I will probably be getting myself into some trouble with some Christians here. Being dedicated to Christ is vital. But being afraid of things we don’t understand just won’t cut it.

Skip Gates’ Arrest Was His Own Fault

By now we all know that distinguished Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates broke into his own house earlier this month. Someone thought he was a burglar and called the cops. Cops came, he showed them his ID with his address on it, still got arrested for disorderly conduct, and the charges were quickly dropped.

We also know that if he were a 58 year old white professor, his neighbors and the police would not have profiled him in the same way. He had a right to get angry and a little indignant.

So I’m on his side here. I’ve been pulled over for no reason other than Driving While Black, and I’ve seen countless brothers harassed and worse. It’s not fair, and in a perfect world, the police should know better.

Still, I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that his arrest was his own fault.

I admire Professor Gates. His collection of slave narratives is one of the most moving books I’ve ever read. He’s obviously bright, which tells me that if nothing else, he knows the way the game is played, especially when living life behind this dark veil.

Growing up, my parents were always cool, but one thing they never did was stick up for me in the face of another authority figure. If I wasn’t getting along with a teacher, they would listen to me, but ultimately, they always agreed with the teacher. If the teacher let Sally eat in class but not me, I better not eat in class, end of story. My mom always promised that if I went to jail, she wouldn’t bail me out–even if it was just for Driving While Black! I was the one who needed to learn the natural order of things.

Gates knows the order of things. He knows when he’s dressed down, he looks more like an electrician than an eminent historian. He knows police sometimes “act stupidly” as Obama put it. To avoid getting arrested, sometimes you have to make accommodations for their stupidity. Gates knows getting angry in front of the police is never a good idea. Even if it’s justified outrage, the cops are just waiting for a reason to label you ‘uncooperative’ so they can haul you away.

The racism is not his fault. But, if you don’t want to get arrested, why not cooperate 100% with the stupid acting police, then close your door and laugh at how little has changed in America.

Maybe it’s good that he ended up being arrested–kind of makes us all think. 

I wasn’t there, I don’t know what was said, I don’t know Gates or the cops’ motives in that moment. I’m just putting my opinion out there. You can read a recap in his own words here, an interview with his daughter– http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-07-22/my-daddy-the-jailbird/full/

Less Seth More God

Right before I preach, I usually offer up some sort of prayer asking God to move me out of the way and preach the sermon through  me.

I asked to be moved out of the way because the best sermons are the ones when people truly receive a word from God, not a person. Something powerful and fresh, something that each individual feels is just for them. A message that will resonate with them for months and years to come and change their lives for the better.

Since I can’t possibly write and deliver anything that magnificent on my own, I pray a lot during the sermon writing process. Then, just as I’m about to preach, I throw up one last prayer: “God, let me decrease so that you may increase.”

I gotta tell ya, that prayer really works. When you sincerely pray to have your ego, your pride, your crude sense of humor, your fear, and your unworthiness pushed aside and replaced by God’s wisdom and power, some amazing things can happen.

Then I realized, this prayer is too good to only use at the preaching moment. Why not use it all the time? Headed into a meeting? “God, move me out of the way so that I can listen and speak with your wisdom.” Feel an argument coming on? “God, fight this battle for me, because I like to fight dirty, and without you, I will only make matters worse.”

There is a small, dense, profound book called Light on the Path by Mabel Collins that perhaps says it best:

“Stand aside in the coming battle, and though thou fightest be not thou the warrior.”

Still Not Convinced

“Don’t try to convince me with the facts, my mind is already made up.”

When it comes to faith, the statement above can make all the difference. The only way we can accomplish the impossible is if we believe that it is possible. Other people will use what they know to try to have you conform to their brand of truth. They would impose their limitations on you if you let them.

I am a huge fan of shutting out haters and naysayers to go with your gut. If the voice of God and the advice of everyone around you differ, go with God.

You may feel led to go against the crowd, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to them. You don’t have to act on what anyone else says, but you should be able to listen to it. Listen to them confidently, knowing that you will go in your own direction, or listen to them ready to incorporate some or all of their ideas as necessary, but always listen.

This Parable from Buddha’s 100 Sutras speaks to the consequences of being too convinced:

One day, while a widower was far away from home, his son was kidnapped by bandits who burned the entire village to the ground. The man returned to find the charred remains of a little boy. The man weeps and wails over the burnt corpse. He has a funeral, cremates the boy, and carries the ashes in a sack around his neck day and night. A few months later, his little boy was able to escape and return home. He knocked and knocked on the front door, “Dad, it’s me,” but the man couldn’t let go of his beliefs and grief, so the boy had no choice but to leave.

Never be too convinced of anything. If it’s true, put it to the test.

Just Let It Go

When I was in the Peace Corps, I had a lot of time on my hands. I’m not proud of some of the things I did with that time, but one good thing I managed to do was read a Bible all the way through, underlining everything that resonated with me in any way. Then, I took my journal and wrote out about 600 of the most striking verses and stories. I had funny stories about circumcisions and witches, simple bits of wisdom you could live your life by, people being unwittingly impaled, inspiring verses that held obvious sermon seeds, sexually explicit lyrics, all the good stuff. Everything anyone ever talks about when they talk about the Bible, I had it in my 20-page handwritten reference.

I used that reference I made for years. I used to call it “The Light,” a play on its brevity and its enlightening power. When I didn’t know what to preach about, 5 minutes in The Light, and I was back on track. Someone wanted to know where in the Bible the men tried to gang rape two angels, I’d check The Light and tell them it was Genesis 19.

For the past eight years, I relied on The Light. I put a lot of work in to compile it, and it served me well. Sure enough, when I moved from New York to Los Angeles to finally become a full time pastor, I lost that journal among other things on the move. I have combed every bag and box we brought, which wasn’t all that much anyway, and it’s not here.

At first, I felt real despair, but I’m learning that despair and self-doubt don’t do me any good. I still have the same job description and the same preaching and teaching responsibilities Light or no Light. I just let it go.

I figure that God must not want me to be relying on it too much. Even though that frankly doesn’t make sense to me, I know that if my old notes were absolutely essential to my new job, I would still have them. So I just let them go. They’re gone anyway, so holding on to the memory and how easy things were in the good old days will only make me miserable. And since being miserable makes me miserable, I just let it go.

Just let it go.

“The Hip-Hop of Preaching”

About 2 weeks ago, I heard Kirk Byron Jones preach at the American Baptist Convention. I had never heard of him, but I figured he must have some skills, as he was one of only 2 or 3 people chosen to preach to the entire convention. He pretty much lived up to the hype. He was funny; he was dead serious; he made us think about the biblical text in ways we hadn’t before; he made us face some of our frailties; he gave me a shot in the arm of courage; and he was finished in well under a half an hour.

I was so impressed, I went to meet him at a book signing later that evening and felt moved to buy his book, “The Jazz of Preaching: How to preach with great freedom and joy.”

I got from the book that the most dangerous thing that can happen to a person who preaches the gospel is to become “a reverend.” What that means is, we can not afford to lose our personal lives to our professional roles. Sure, I’m a clergyman, a pastor, an expositor of the kerygma. But does that mean I can’t still play basketball, make love, tweet on Twitter, dance, or go to the movies? When people who know me as “a reverend” witness me talk about or do any of these things, there is often some surprise. But if I didn’t live fully in this world of ours, I’d have no way to relate to people, and nothing worthwhile to say to them, either.

For Jones, jazz is the inspirational force that takes him inside himself. He notes the way the musicians aren’t afraid to improvise, the way the blues is so painfully honest, the way artists can sit and dream up “the right note” instead of forcing it, and I agree.

Only thing is, I’m not a jazz guy. I’m just not. I would never badmouth Ella, Coltrane, Miles, Dizzy, or Louis. The creative genius is undeniable. My wife and I played Todd Ledbetter  for 10 hours straight while she gave birth. Jazz has its place. I can appreciate it, it’s just not my favorite type of music.

I was raised to love hip-hop. The same way the author of “The Jazz of Preaching” finds confidence and comfort in jazz–that’s how I feel about rap. Yes, some of the language is inappropriate, but Miles Davis and John Coltrane weren’t choir boys, either, so big deal.

Rap teaches me bravado, not to be afraid to say what I feel. They use every ounce of their vocabulary. The greats are clearly inspired and inspiring. Rappers have style. The best rappers set high goals for themselves and work hard to achieve them. The beats alone are often mesmerizing and transcendent. This author (Kirk Byron Jones) is making a case for jazz, but I think many types of secular music can get your creative juices flowing. And pastors should never be too “reverend” to listen and learn.

I Can’t Wait to Get Old

“Don’t get old.”

That’s what all the old timers say, isn’t it? “Don’t get old.” If you get old, you’ll lose your memory, you’ll suffer from arthritis. The world will move too fast for you. Don’t get old, they warn, and they should know.

While I’m not looking forward too (or even anticipating) suffering most of the ailments that come with aging, I must say, getting old ain’t what it used to be.

My father still works 50-60 hours a week in a career he loves, even though he is several years beyond the standard retirement age of 65. He’s a doctor. Delivering babies and performing surgery requires some physical strength and dexterity, but it’s not like he’s digging ditches–this is largely mental work, and he’s holding up pretty well. If anything, he’s just getting wiser and gaining more experience as the years go on. Eventually, he won’t feel like waking up in the middle of the night or working 6-7 days a week, but he will almost certainly be in his 70s by then. For now, he’s offering more expertise and demanding higher fees than at any point in his career, and still has his wits about him to enjoy it.

 Paul Martin was the Interim Pastor at Zion Hill Baptist Church right before they called me to be their next regular pastor. He had 40+ years in ministry and education behind him. A septuagenarian, it seemed like serving as interim was his way of doing this congregation a favor before he marched off into the sunset of retirement with his beautiful wife. Then, about the same time the church elected me, he was selected to serve as president of the American Baptist Seminary of the West at Berkeley. In many ways, running a seminary is a step up from pastoring a church–this opportunity is the capstone of his career. Not bad for an old guy.

Or consider Walter Massey, who was president of Morehouse College while I was there. Before serving at Morehouse, he was president of the National Science Foundation, Provost of the entire University of California school system, and a noted physicist. He retired from Morehouse, I thought, because he was getting old. He got his bachelor’s degree in 1958–you do the math. Yet, when the economy tanked and all kinds of heads began to roll in the financial sector, who do they choose to be the next Chairman of the Board at Bank of America? Walter Massey. We all know Morehouse is the cat’s meow, but this is B of frickin’ A! In his 70s, no less.

I can wait to get old. Imagine how many Facebook friends and Twitter followers I’ll have by then! How accomplished I’ll be at the craft of preaching. How much money I’ll have saved up. What dignitaries will be in my Rolodex. This is my 284th blog post in a year and half. How many will there be in 40 years? Job offers that I can’t even fathom now will be falling in my lap. Sure nothing is guaranteed–I could die tomorrow. But presuming a normal life, I’ll be in a good place by 70. And if 70 today is like 60 was 40 years ago, maybe in 40 years 80 will be what 70 is today. I’ll be working until I’m 80!

Again, I’m not talking about physical labor. The 3 men mentioned above all have earned doctorate degrees–so that’s going to have to be part of the equation. But, assuming I get me one of those, I’ll be set to keep working and keep moving up the ladder for more years than any of us expect. Not just so that I can keep making money, though I’ll take it. As long as I can walk, talk, and write, I know I’m supposed to be sharing the Good News, and I will.

Stop Smoking Marijuana

(I don’t think most of my regular readers smoke weed, but I feel compelled to put this out there.)

The other day, I had a very real conversation with a 24 year old who really wants to stop smoking grass. That’s the kind of thing I never would have discussed with a pastor because pastors tend to stand on the moral high ground and look down on you. But since I have been where he was, I was able to motivate him toward doing the right thing without resorting to the Christian rhetoric of condemnation that tends to make people go deaf.

I’ve been a weed head in my life. Now that I’m married with 2 kids, a full time pastorate, and dreams of helping millions of people grow spiritually, I have managed to put it behind me. So I’m not just prattling on about something I don’t know about, or telling him to quit when I haven’t quit myself. I’ve been there, and it wasn’t 20 or 30 years ago.

One reason I was able to speak to what this guy was going through is because we’re in the same generation. We grew up listening to the same hip-hop artists talking about getting high and influencing us to do the same. But the fact is most of those rappers don’t smoke as much as you might think.

Ever heard of Dean Martin? He was a major performing artist in the 20th century. Anyway, people loved him, and part of his charm was the fact that he always had a drink in his hand and often appeared drunk on stage.

People would emulate him. He was always drunk, always the life of the party, always charming the ladies, so countless young men grabbed their Jack Daniel’s and tried to be just like him.

Then, after he died, we come to find out that most of the time, it was just apple juice in his glass. He was being a showman. Sure, he drank. But alcohol didn’t consume his life the way he had us believe it did on stage.

I submit that many rappers are doing the same thing with weed today.

“I-I-I be on it, all night, man, I be on it all day…”-Big Boi

“I’m in the court with marijuana eyes….sorry judge.”-Jim Jones

“…Gnarly, dude, I puff Bob Marley dude, all day like Rastafaris do…”-Jay-Z

Do these guys smoke? Probably. But they’re not 24/7/365 weed smokers, even if their songs make it seem that way. What happens to impressionable youth is that they hear the songs and they think, “I, too, can wake up at 6 in the morning and smoke a blunt before school….for 100 consecutive days….” We shouldn’t let showbiz take us away from reality. Those guys say a lot of things they simply don’t mean.

He's worth 8 figures. He's not pulling the trigger. He's not drinking or smoking either, btw.

One thing my 24 year old friend and I agreed on is that when you smoke weed, you miss a lot of opportunities for advancement. An opportunity for a job or to meet someone important will fall into your lap, but you can’t follow through because you don’t want that person to smell the smoke on you. Your grandmother will call and ask you to do her a favor, but you can’t because your weed dealer said he’d meet you in an hour. You’ve already been waiting 90 minutes, so your life is on hold until you manage to connect with him.

I promise you that if you stop smoking marijuana, the rest of your life will advance the way you want it to go much faster. I understand that it’s a habit. It will be hard to go to the movies or do your laundry or any other activity that you’re used to doing high, but you’ll be better off. You probably like yourself better when you don’t smoke. Nothing wrong with that. You won’t be happy until you fail a drug test or get arrested? Pathetic.

Besides, you know deep down you need to quit, or else you wouldn’t still be reading. There’s a voice in your head telling you to stop. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is week, I know. But ignoring the voice is like walking down a street and seeing a sign that says “turn around,” but you continue for a few miles. When you fall off a cliff, it’s your own fault.

Understand that there’s more to smoking weed than just getting high. Marijuana, or any addiction, has a spirit behind it. It’s not just about getting high: it’s about the smell of the green in the bag, it’s about the nervous feeling and hoping you don’t get caught; it’s the act of rolling it up; it’s the way your voice sounds when you’re talking  with a puff of smoke in your chest; it’s the way food tastes when you have the munchies–there’s an entire spirit behind it, and that spirit can inhabit people. It will probably always exist, but it doesn’t have to always live inside of you. It wasn’t a part of you when you were 4 years old, you let it in later, and you can kick it out.

To quit smoking weed: Get rid of everything related to it. It’s one thing to say, “I won’t smoke anymore.” You’ve said that, and it hasn’t worked. It’s something else entirely to throw out your prized bong and erase your dealer’s number from your phone. Then, tell some people that you have quit and ask them to hold you accountable. If you can’t be honest with them, don’t do it. But when you’re really ready, God will give you the strength to take the necessary steps. And your life will be better as a result. Of course that may be hard for you to see now, your vision being clouded and all, but I still love you.

Basketball Prophecy

Today is June 29, 2009. Seth says:

“The Cleveland Cavaliers will win the 2010 NBA championship, and then Shaq will retire.”

I’m not saying this because LeBron and Shaq are two of my favorite players. I’m saying it because it’s true. I’ve been dead on correct with sports predictions before, but I’ve never put it out there this publicly this far in advance. 

Watch it….